Why One of Our Own Winks and Smiles at Life

Heather Hitchcock uses her psychology degree from Auburn University in ways the Phi Kappa Phi member never expected. After graduating magna cum laude in 1996, Hitchcock landed an entry-level job as an inventory control specialist for a construction supply company and was thrilled – until she had to figure out how to cope with the tediousness of stocking and ordering.

The 35-year-old stay-at-home mother of two boys (Payton, eight, and Parker, six) now makes use of her honors degree to help maintain her sanity while she and her husband, Wally Hitchcock, a 37-year-old senior art director for an advertising agency, raise their kids in Mobile, Ala., she said.

And as a passionate and zany blogger, she revels in analyzing the profound and the everyday in her life. (Read her blog at http://queenofshakeshake.com/.)

Note: Some entries are edgy – proceed with tongue planted firmly in cheek, she advises.

Heather Hitchcock agreed to answer email questions about herself from Editor Peter Szatmary in what is the debut edition of a new Q&A feature called Member Spotlight.

What was your most memorable college class?

Being a feminist, I’d have to say Gender Psychology. I came away thinking that nurture had much to do with gender differences and that I would eliminate many gender differences when I had children by the new and improved way I would parent them. You know, by providing gender-neutral toys and having Wally cry in front of the children.

But apparently God has a sense of humor because I gave birth to two boys, and that pretty much nullified 85% of what I had learned in that class. For instance, Santa brought our youngest son a baby doll one Christmas, but that same four-year-old scoffed at the idea that men can do the ironing. I’m sorry, but some traits reside on that Y chromosome and there’s not much you can do about it. (By the way, I totally made Wally do all the ironing for a month just to prove a point to our four-year-old.)

What are you reading now?

You would ask this question the very day I pick up a smutty romance novel at Wal-Mart and not one on quantum physics from the library. Sigh. Why am I reading it? Sometimes my brain needs a break and wants to binge. Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I have standards and draw the line at teenage vampire romance.

Overall, my reading choices reflect my personality, which is impulsive, unpredictable and sometimes crass. I’m pretty eclectic and enjoy Jen Lancaster’s memoirs, the latest biography of Albert Einstein, and J.K. Rowling, to name a few.

What was your first job out of college?

Like many other college graduates, I was a peon in corporate America. But this was OK because it was only temporary while I worked on my master’s degree in counseling. During my first year of grad school, certain married family members went through a rough patch and thought it wise to use me as their free dial-up therapist. That made me realize I didn’t want to listen to people’s problems all day long, paid or not. I realized it wasn’t in me, so I quit grad school. And then, would you look at that? My husband and I decided to get pregnant.

Talk about the decision to become a stay-at-home mom.

Since I hated my corporate job with the same passion a Hatfield hated a McCoy, the decision to quit my job when our son was born was easy. It came down to a choice between having a stinky job in the business world and dealing with a stinky diaper at home. At least with the latter, the stink was organic and served up by the cutest baby in the history of the world. Plus, I’d already spent four years in corporate American proving I liked to work for nothing, so why not become my own boss? Only I soon realized I still wasn’t the boss – a little nine-and-a- half-pound baby was.

So being a mother is the best job you’ve had, best learning experience and best decision you’ve ever made.

Three years ago, I would have answered with an emphatic yes. But now that my children are a bit older, I’m beginning to realize motherhood is simply another part of the whole, not necessarily everything I am.

Is it the best part of me? It’s hard to say because I’m pretty awesome at a lot of things, such as writing humor and performing Jedi mind tricks. (They worked on you, Pete. Why else would I be spotlighted?) Motherhood definitely has taught me things I could never learn any other way, such as unconditional love, but motherhood also has caused me to smell things no human should ever have to smell. “Mother” is tied up in my identity, but it’s also been great fun to rediscover that I’m still an individual outside of someone’s mother.

(I’m still working on that rediscovery.)

You work part-time now doing marketing and office management for a nondenominational church that promotes spiritual growth without dogma.

I don’t want to return to work full-time just yet – that’s a couple of more years down the road. I work eight hours a week, but I would like to find a part-time job with more hours since my youngest has started kindergarten. With the recession, it’s been difficult to find something else.

I’m not worried, though. When the time is right, it’ll come. For whatever reasons, I’m supposed to be doing exactly what I’m doing right now, which is being one awesome soccer mom (mini-van included, thank you very much) and writing a memoir.

Blogging is important to you. How come?

When I started blogging more than two years ago, it was the first time in six years I remembered what it was like to use my brain for something other than battling Spaghetti-O stains and negotiating sibling squabbles. Blogging started out as something fun to do, turned into a big creative outlet for me, and along the way, I realized I have a story to tell about myself and my family.

Other choices you’ve made have been to do considerable volunteer work.

Well, if you read the Soccer Mom Code of Conduct, section 2.3.94 states all overachieving soccer moms must also be volunteers. Who am I to argue?

No, seriously, I do believe one key to happiness is to be in joyful service of others. I volunteer weekly in my youngest son’s kindergarten class, helping the teacher give individual instruction to the students. Children learn best with individualized instruction, but I’ve seen the demands all of this testing accountability has on the teacher’s time. Volunteering is my small way of trying to make a difficult situation better.

I also volunteer with my oldest son as a docent at the Dauphin Island Sea Lab aquarium. Though I must be honest, it’s not entirely altruistic. (Ooo! I remembered a psychology word. Five points for Gryffindor!) My eight-year-old son is highly gifted in marine science and the people at the sea lab recognize his unique gift, helping grow Payton’s knowledge and talent.

What do you do for fun?

As if scrubbing toilets and murdering dust bunnies isn’t fun enough?

I wish I could say fun included cool things like rock climbing or world travel, but in reality, it’s more like writing and baking cookies. As a family, we take frequent trips to the beach and New Orleans. As a couple, my husband and I were excited to discover the movie industry was not invaded by talking dogs and animated characters. Oh, and we also enjoy sleeping eight hours straight.

Favorite movie, TV show and Web site?

My favorite movie as of now is Finding Neverland. I love it for the inspirational message of finding wonder in everyday occurrences. And let me assure you, my partiality has absolutely nothing to do with Johnny Depp’s sexiness. *ahem *

Favorite TV show? Pfft, as if anything is worth watching after Seinfeld and Friends went off the air.

Favorite Web site: Duh, my own. (I’m a tad narcissistic.)

Dream pursuit would be what?

Since life is only but a dream, I’d have to say simply living is a dream pursuit in itself.

Do I have specific dreams? I’m not sure anymore. Frankly, my previous answer of “rediscovering myself” was really a euphemism for mid-thirties identity crisis. Now that my youngest son is in school, I feel much like a 19-year-old college student, faced with the infinite possibilities of what to do with the rest of my life; only now I have more wisdom, a mortgage, and lines around my eyes. Underneath the insecurity, I know my path is there before me, but I can still only walk it one step at a time.

But if you’d like to hear my ego answer, I’d say to write an international best-selling memoir, be on The Today Show and become Oprah’s new BFF.

You are a reminder that Phi Kappa Phi is not necessarily a community of scholars, but a community of smart people who make a variety of life choices.

I guess I’m living proof that life isn’t measured by the credentials after your name. Not that I assume to know the answer to the Big Question, but I’m pretty sure a checklist of diplomas has to be far down on the list of possibilities. It seems like the list would read more like love, joy, giving. But what do I know?

Email Phi Kappa Phi member Heather Hitchcock at heather@queenofshakeshake.com.