The ABCs of Life Coaching, Part 4: H-I-J

Stacey Jill Zackin, MSW

Becoming proficient at any skill is a process. Even when Tiger Woods is at the top of his game, he constantly reviews and renews his technique. Every time he tries a different stroke, he invariably has a learning curve that might take him out of first place for a tournament our two, but he always comes back stronger and more qualified than before. If you crave longevity in terms of personal and professional success, you too need to consciously build the intellectual and emotional muscles that help you master the game of life.

The ABC’s of Life Coaching is a simple way to evaluate and expand your talent for living life to the fullest. By focusing on just one value a month, you can start to see new possibilities in the ways in which you approach situations, relationships, and decisions. In the past three columns we have explored Accountability, Balance, Choice, Discovery, Energy, Fun, and Goals.* For the next three months you get to view your world through the values of Humor, Integrity, and Joy.

Take a few minutes to answer the five questions pertaining to the first value. You can do this on your own or with a partner, as it can be quite interesting and informative to see how different people incorporate different values into their lives. Then, each day for the next four weeks reflect upon the value and how you are, or are not, honoring it in your life. When that month has passed, move on to the next value and then the next.

H is for HUMOR —A person’s disposition or temperament. Mood; state of mind, whim, fancy, caprice. To act in agreement with the nature of; adapt oneself to.

Many people take humor for granted, both as a value and as a skill. As a skill, humor is more than just being able to tell a joke or make someone laugh; it is an attitude with which to approach life. Humor can temper anger, frustration, stress, and disappointment. Is the person who waits until the last moment to write a check always in front of you at the grocery store? What if you could see that ironically amusing rather than seriously tragic? People and the lives we live are fascinatingly peculiar, and by learning to blend Humor and Curiosity (see column 2) we might be able to laugh at situations that otherwise would make us want to cry.

Describe your humor.
How would others describe your humor?
What was a troubling situation that you can now look at with humor?
What elements help you to be in "good" humor?
For one day, come from the perspective of HUMOR in everything you do and with everyone you meet. Write your observations and feelings down at the end of the day.

“If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”

— Marie Osmond

I is for INTEGRITY —The quality or state of being complete; unbroken condition; wholeness. Being of sound moral principle; uprightness, honesty, and sincerity.

Integrity might be considered the key to all other values; when we do not have integrity in living our values, then everything else will seem out of alignment if not broken. Even small things can have a big effect. For example, you notice that everyone at work shows up late and never gets reprimanded by the supervisor. You think, “Why should I be the only one to follow the rules,” so you decide to come in late too. On one hand, because no one seems to care when you show up, why should you? On the other hand, don’t you want to be someone who does something out of integrity just because you can? Or do you want to adopt the apathetic attitude with which others approach their work? Integrity is not a value that you can choose to honor in random situations; it is a code of behavior that supports your sense of wholeness and morality.

Where does integrity show up most in your life?
What areas of your life do you feel that integrity it lacking?
How do you gauge whether you are practicing or not practicing integrity?
What public figures or private acquaintances do you think of as living a life of integrity?
Identify a tolerance you are living with or something you've been meaning to do and take care of it this week.

“The reward for conformity is everyone likes you but you.”

— Rita Mae Brown

J is for JOY —A very glad feeling; happiness; great pleasure; delight. Joy is often expressed in groups through the celebration of a special occasion. Joy also can be an internal sense of contentment, confidence, optimism, and appreciation of small pleasures.

Joy, like humor might be perceived as being a lighthearted or selfish value, but its significance should not be underestimated. People also might think that joy is a result of an exterior occurrence, when in fact it can be generated from within. Joy is more than just approaching life with a positive attitude; it is identifying what joy actually feels like for you and then actively seeking opportunities to experience that feeling. In addition to thinking of joy as a value, think of it as a muscle that can be built up over time.

What delights you?
What was a time when you felt joyful, confident, and carefree; what was the environment that encouraged that feeling?
What is the relationship between joy and fear, concern and loss?
What are external symptoms of your internal joy?
Every day this week, do something that brings you joy.

“Life is a banquet, and some poor suckers are starving.”

— Auntie Mame

Past coaching articles on values can be found at www.phikappaphi.org/honorcord/archive/.l

Stacey Jill Zackin, www.theCoach4you.com, empowers others to realize the best version of themselves. Taking a stand for simplicity, satisfaction, and joy, Stacey works in partnership with her clients to create personal and professional lives that energize and excite them. With her Professional Co-Active Coaching Certification from the Coaches Training Institute and Master of Social Work from USC, Stacey helps her clients translate their dreams and ideas into achievable goals, identify what is holding them back, and develop effective strategies for success. With ten years of experience in the entertainment industry, Stacey specializes in helping creative people transform their passions into personal and professional prosperity.